One Ringy Dingy - Phone Sex

By Jen

Over the past few months I have received many emails asking me to explain, help, and tutor the fine customers of Too Timid about phone sex.

One woman wrote:
“My man is wanting me to talk dirty to him on the phone, but I don’t know where to start…We have a long distance relationship and haven’t seen each other much to know each others fantasies or likes.”

Another woman wrote that her boyfriend liked when she talked dirty to him, even though she rarely did:
“It is almost like I know what to say, but I don’t want to say it. What are some things I can say to get him to get turned on? He wanted to have phone sex the other day and I just couldn’t get the job done.”

I’m beginning to think I should have made this one of my very first articles for Too Timid.

I had my first experience with phone sex as a senior in high school. I had just started hanging out with a new guy friend. He was just a friend, at least at first. Somewhere over the course of our nightly phone conversations the topic of sex began to filter in. Before long our sexual likes, dislikes, and fantasies began taking precedence over school day gossip. One night in particular I used a raspy, and unbeknownst to me, sexy voice.

“Alright, well I gotta go,” I said after yet another one of our sexual conversations.

“No!” He was adamant. “I can’t get off the phone right now, my mom is in the other room.”

I didn’t understand where his sudden panic was coming from. “What’s the big deal?”

“I…well, I can’t go hang up the phone.” (Remember the days when phones weren’t all cordless?) “ I, uh, have….a…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence and I knew he was blushing. He had a boner. Our conversation, mingled with my sex kitten voice, had put his soldier at attention. But I was seventeen and far from thinking of other people.

“Sorry kiddo. Gotta go!” I hung up the phone; an ear to ear smile pasted across my face.

Phone sex came back into play for me in my mid twenties. I was dating someone, who lived out west, while I was on the East Coast. Although we took turns flying back and forth every weekend, the weeks found us lonely—and horny.

“Are you alone?” It was almost always the first question he asked. Although most times I was the only one in my apartment I knew it turned him on to think my roommates were home also.

“Lay down on the bed and take off your panties.” I’ve always hated the word “panties”, but I let it slide for the sake of good phone sex. “Now lick your finger and slide it into your pussy.” I would allow him to tell me what to do because for him it was a huge rush.

The rest of our “conversation” would be me climaxing and him getting off at the sound of me having an orgasm. Don’t get me wrong, I would have much rather been having actual sex, but distance made that impossible during the week.

So how do you have phone sex? I can’t help but think of the Aerosmith video for “Sweet Emotion”. Remember that one? Of course the ending was far from ideal, but you get the picture. There is a safety net to having phone sex. Your partner is not right there in front of you, so use that to your advantage. Imagine that the person on the other end of the phone is someone you are not going to ever see; someone with whom you can tell your most intimate and lusty thoughts. Maybe you are too timid to “talk”, so why don’t you have them talk to you—tell you what to do. By doing this you are actively participating without feeling the embarrassment of talking dirty.

I’m beginning to wonder if I should just start each of my articles with, “I used to feel that way too, but…”

Let your fingers do the walking and have fun!

Jen’s Quick Guide to Phone Sex:
Timing: The element of surprise is always alluring, but nothing is going to kill the mood quicker than calling your partner at work and catching them in the middle of an important meeting. Feel out the situation before you begin. Is he or she in a good mood? Are they alone? Did you catch them at a bad time?

How to begin: So you have determined that your partner is “free”, so how do you begin? You don’t want to just jump into, “I’m horny”, rather something playful, “I was thinking about you” or “I couldn’t help but call”. Conversation starters like these are going to elicit responses from you partner wondering why he or she was on your mind.

Revving it up: So you’ve got their attention, now what? Remind them of the last time you had great sex and tell them how you were thinking about it and just had to call. “I loved when you_______. It got me so excited/turned on/wet/horny.”

Full steam ahead: Put on your creative hat here. Use colorful and detailed description for your partner and explain how you’re feeling right at that moment. Keep the dialog going by asking him or her what they would like to do to you and telling them what you would like to do to them.

Play time: It is not necessary during phone sex, but masturbation can only heighten the experience. A hand free head set comes in extremely handy at times such as these. Tell your partner what you are doing and make sure to make plenty of noise so they know how much you are enjoying yourself!